you talk about REflash.
This "stinks" that the problem is that the chip does not go into ISP mode when you "kick" it. A factory fresh chip is in ISP mode, once you have taken it out of that mode (run your program) it is your job to get it back in ISP mode.
I gave up on all this stuff ages ago and made NoTouch and have not had a problem since.
Read NoTouch (what) and use NoTouch for9xx(how) (both found at this website) and live happily ever after.
Erik